The sheet was engulfed in flames in an instant. Within the unbearable heat, all of the squalid things lost their identities. I could no longer smell the sour smell of mold, nor feel the mysterious humidity, nor see the dank light. All that was left instead was suffering. The physical suffering of the heat. The skin of my fingers was so hot that it blistered in a moment. Only then did my father's expressionless face and the sound of music disperse.

    My father and I were very different. My father didn't understand me and I didn't understand my father. Could I have convinced him if I had tried? Probably not. All I could do was hide and defy him and run from him. Sometimes the thought occurred to me that it wasn't my father from which I was breaking free. Then a fear like the face of a cliff came over me. Then what was I running from? What did I have to do to be free of myself? Everything felt impossible.

    It seemed as if I could hear someone's voice calling, but I didn't lift my head. Whether because of the heat or because of the pain, I couldn't breathe. I didn't have the strength to move. Even so, I knew. It was Jungkook. He would be angry. Maybe he would be sad for me. I just wanted to sink down. I wanted to end all of the smoke and heat, all of the pain and fear. Jungkook shouted something again, but I didn't hear it. My field of view dropped down. Finally I raised my eyes. The last sight I saw in the world was the dirty, remote room, the red flames and swaying smoke, and Jungkook's face.


    The Notes 1: 花樣年華 [The Most Beautiful Moment in Life]

    • SEOKJIN YEAR 22 MAY 2:

      Jin is waiting outside Yoongi’s workroom. He tenses up and tries to take courage from the fact he has seen this many times before. Jin reveals how Yoongi has been the most difficult for him to save. He had too many variables- the time and place of his suicide kept changing and his conflict seemed to be internal as well-as compared to Namjoon’s . In one of the loops he had followed him for days and saw him hesitating to take his life when he had to take care of an injured bird- the bird with wings.

      In this anecdote, the bird with wings becomes a symbol for Jungkook who, like the bird is broken . Jin recalls how he had seen Jungkook and Yoongi bond at the beach visit , and comes to a realization that he had to depend on Jungkook to help Yoongi. Jin deliberately makes Hoseok leave early from his shift, and locked Namjoon’s container so that Jungkook had no other option but to go to Yoongi’s workroom. Jin waits outside, but all he hears is a shattering and Yoongi storming outside, making his way to the motel. Worried, Jin leaves a bloodied tissue near the motel’s entrance as a clue for Jungkook. Earlier in the day he had also left a photo of the beach visit on Yoongi’s mirror. Seokjin thinks that perhaps , because of the photo, Jungkook got motivated to save Yoongi. Jungkook reaches the motel as Jin hopes desperately that they are saved.