• Namjoon’s Container can be seen in the Run graphic lyrics book!

    • I dropped to the floor of the container. The inside of the metal container was so hot I could barely open my eves. I looked around with my face scrunched up. It had only been ten minutes since I'd told him to wait while I went to get ramyeon. I heard a cough and looked around and saw Woochang crouched further inside. I doused a blanket in water and wrapped it around Woochang's body. I pointed to the window. “We're going to have to jump through there,” I said. “Woochang-ah you can do it, right?” Outside the door, crimson red flames were shooting up. I grabbed Woochang's hand. "On the count of three, we're jumping. One. Two..." In a moment, something fell outside the door. The materials that were stacked next to the container seemed to have collapsed in the flames. Sparks flew amid the dust, Woochang and I stepped back, shocked. In a split second, the exit had been blocked.


      I looked down at the kid eating ramyeon in a hurry. He was eight, maybe ten years old. He looked up at me sometimes as he scarfed down the warm rice and noodles. I asked his name and he'd told me it was Woochang. Song Woochang. He spilled some ramyeon broth on his dirty t-shirt and, wiping at it with his fingers, muttered that he was going to get scolded by his grandma again.

      The first time I saw Woochang was around two months ago. I was coming back from the gas station, and I saw him standing in front of the container behind mine. At the time, I thought he had come through looking for a shortcut to get out of Songju Station. The container town was no place for a kid to live. But a couple weeks later I saw him in the empty lot next to the containers, kicking an old soccer ball around on his own. And since then I'd run into him several times. He was always wandering around by himself. Wearing the same shirt. Same pants, same sneakers. It was obvious that he didn't have an adult to take care of him. I couldn't do anything about that. I had my hands full taking care of myself. I always passed by and pretended not to know him.

      When I left the gas station and headed back toward the container town today, it was just a little past eleven at night. As I rummaged in my pockets for my key. I saw a crouching shadow. It was Woochang. I could have ignored him like I always did. I could have found my key. Opened the container door and gone inside to make myself ramyeon and sleep but I couldn't do that today. I didn't want to.

      I looked up at the sky. It had been gloomy all day. The night sky was full of gray clouds. I couldn't see even a single star. Suddenly I felt hungry. If I remembered right, I only had one ramyeon left in the container. I didn't have any in stock and I didn't have enough energy to stock more. Those were my circumstances. I looked down at the key I'd taken out of my pocket. I remembered the scenery I'd looked back on as I left the countryside. I thought of the words I'd written on the bus window.

      I walked toward Woochang.


      I reached the container a little before we were supposed to meet. I was going to congratulate Jungkook for getting out of the hospital, but that wasn't all I had something to tell Seokjin hyung. It seemed like something important, but also like something hyung might not like. Instead of going into the container, I walked a little longer along the train tracks. A train passed and a strong wind blew the platform filled with people and then emptied again. At some point, our meeting time had passed. I turned around and took a deep breath.

      There was no one in the container. Only hot air, heated by the summer sun, rushed out as if it had been waiting for me. I was ten minutes late, but I was still the first to arrive. What had happened to the others? Had something come up? Were they even coming? I turned on the fan and went into the container. Namjoon hyung's container was too still and silent to suit the mood of a party. I got a piece of paper from the desk drawer and wrote "Congratulations, Jungkook,” then stuck it to the wall. It wasn't enough to totally chase away the run-down feeling, but it was better than doing nothing.

      Ten more minutes passed as I checked in our chatroom that everyone was on their way. Trains passed outside the open door, and the container shook. As I looked out at the world that seemed to tremble, I thought about that time I'd opened the hospital door and run out. Without the hyungs, without Taehyung and Jungkook, would I have been able to open that door? Just because the door is there, or the door is open, didn't mean just anyone could go through it. Wasn't Seokjin hyung locked up somewhere like that too? Wouldn't he be waiting for someone to knock on the door? Nothing was certain. I didn't know if it would help, but if the pieces we had fumbled for could become even a small clue. As my thoughts reached this point, the container door swung open, and Yoongi hyung entered.


      "Congratulations, Jungkook" was written on the side of the container, but that wasn't the atmosphere at all. The air inside the container was full to bursting with a strange anxiety. Looking back, it had always been like that, recently.

      Seokjin hyung went outside in a moment. Taehyung hyung followed in a hurry, and the other hyungs did too, exchanging glances. Taehyung hyung said something, but it didn't seem that Seokjin hyung was listening. From behind all the hyungs, I watched Seokjin hyung get in his car.

      The car reversed easily, then sped off. The light from inside the container skimmed over its frame. The marks of an accident on the bumper were briefly visible before they were covered by darkness. What was strange was that seeing that felt like nothing. Even if it were a confirmation of what I already knew, it seemed that in front of a hard truth I might feel something complicated or at least be shocked. But in reality it wasn't like that.

      The sight of Seokjin hyung's car disappearing into the darkness was overlaid by the image of the headlights that had come toward me that night. The feeling of my body floating, the moment of being unable to swallow or breathe. The seizure of terror that had shaken my whole body. The unbearable chill I had felt as my consciousness scattered. The shadow of death, the marks of the accident on that car's bumper.

      I went inside the container. I sat down and looked up at Jimin hyung's hand writing, spelling out "Congratulations, Jungkook." Suddenly, I felt an ache in the leg I had hurt in the accident, the hyungs didn't even think about coming inside. They were talking about something I didn't know.


      I kept walking, aware of the sense of Jungkook following from a distance. As the train tracks stretched out, containers continued to appear. It's the fourth container from the back. Hoseok had said he had plans to meet Namjoon and Taehyung, and had told me to come too. I said I would, but I didn't really have plans to go. I hated getting tangled up with other people, and Hoseok knew that about me too. He probably didn't really expect me to turn up.

      When I flung the door open, I saw Hoseok with a shocked expression. Then he saw Jungkook and approached with an exaggerated expression of mixed emotions. I passed by both of them and headed into the container. "How long has it been?" I could hear-the sounds of Hoseok trying to pull Jungkook and Jungkook being bashful.

      Soon Namjoon brought Taehyung in. One side of Taehyung's t-shirt was torn. When asked what happened, Namjoon pretended to rap Taehyung with his knuckles. "This kid is late because he got caught by the cops doing graffiti and I had to go pick him up." Taehyung made an exaggeratedly apologetic face and explained, overly talkative, that his t-shirt had been ripped while he was running away from the police.

      I sat in the corner and watched them. Namjoon gave Taehyung a t-shirt to change into, and Hoseok pulled out hamburgers and drinks and the like. In the midst of this, Jungkook stood awkwardly, as if he had no idea where to go or what to do. Looking back, it was just like high school. In the hideout classroom, Namjoon would give Taehyung a talking-to, and Hoseok would move around noisily while Jungkook hovered, unsure of where to go.

      How long had it been since we met like this? I couldn't remember. What had happened to Seokjin hyung and Jimin? A thought occurred to me that was unlike me. This was a place I had come to for the first time, but my heart was already at ease.


      I knew that something was going on with Taehyung for a long time. Even if he pretended outwardly that nothing was wrong, his momentary actions or expressions gave away his anxiety and the fact that he didn't know what to do. He was often in and out of the police station, I had seen the wounds on his body, and he had nightmares.

      The reason that I never pushed, asking what was wrong or telling him to just let it all out, was that I was waiting for Taehyung to say it himself. It was also partly because I doubted that I had the right to hear about those worries. I pretended to be a hyung, to be an adult, but in actuality, when my friends were having a hard time I couldn't protect them. They all hailed me for being so grown-up, but I wasn't really an adult. I only hesitated, unable to look directly at the reality in front of me.

      Yoongi hyung died. Taehyung had that nightmare again today. I grabbed his shoulder and shook him, and he startled awake and spent a long time sitting and staring into space. He didn't wipe his tears and mumbled incoherently. He said Yoongi was dead and Jungkook had an accident and I had been caught up in a fight. He said that he dreamed that kind of dream often, that it was so clear that it seemed as if it was real and even this was part of the dream. "Hyung, don't go anywhere." Taehyung's voice wavered anxiously.


      "Hyung, is that everything? You don't have anything else you're hiding from us?" Our surroundings grew quiet all at once. All gazes were turned toward me. I looked straight at Seokjin hyung. Hyung looked back at me. His gaze was full of exhaustion and embarrassment, and a little bit of something pitiful. At the moment when I was about to press the issue again, someone grabbed my arm and stopped me. I didn't look, but I knew. It was Namjoon hyung.

      "What does it have to do with you? You're not my real brother." I could feel Namjoon hyung looking at me. I didn't lift my head and shook off his hand. I knew it too, that I was mad at Namjoon hyung for no reason. Repeating the words that I had heard hyung say on the telephone, I said that I was angry, that I was upset. Hyung's words weren't wrong. I was barely a year younger than him. I wasn't his real brother. It was true that I should take care of myself. But even so, I was upset. I was even angrier that I had no words with which to refute it. I hoped that hyung would understand how I felt.

      "Taehyung-ah. I'm sorry. Let's stop talking about this now." It was Seokjin hyung who opened his mouth. It was Seokjin hyung who called my name, who said he was sorry. Namjoon hyung said nothing. "What do you mean, stop? Since it came up, let's talk about everything. You have something else you're hiding."

      "Let's talk outside." Namjoon hyung spoke, taking my arm again. I tried to shake him off again but he tried to drag me out. I resisted and spoke. "Let me go. What right do you have to stop me? What do you know, hyung? You don't know anything but you think he's such a great guy, right?" It was then. He let go of my arm. The recoil made me stumble. No, it wasn't only the recoil. At the moment he let go of my arm, it seemed like all the things that had sustained me were cracking and splitting and crumbling down. Maybe I had hoped that he would never let go of my arm. That he would get angry and drag me out. Maybe I had hoped that he would scold me as if he would to a real brother, as if to someone so close and precious that you can't step back.

      But hyung let go of my arm. I just laughed. "What's so special about being together? What are we to each other. We're all alone in the end." That was the moment that Seokjin hyung hit me.


      When I lifted my head, I was in front of Namjoon hyung's container. I opened the door and went in. I gathered up the scattered garments, covered myself with them and hunkered down. The cold descended on me. My whole body trembled, and I wanted to cry. But no tears came.

      When I opened the door and came in, Yoongi hyung was standing on the bed. Flames were shooting up from the edge of the sheet. In that moment my whole body became entangled in rage and fear that I couldn't hold back. I wasn't someone who spoke well. I was slow to express my feelings or to convince anyone else. Tears welled up and I coughed and words would not come out. As I ran into those flames the only words I could manage to spit out were, "We promised to go to the beach together."

      "Why are you like that? Did you have a bad dream?" I opened my eyes to someone shaking my shoulder. It was Namjoon hyung. For some reason, I felt a sense of relief. Hyung felt my forehead and said I had a fever. It seemed like I did. The inside of my mouth was boiling but I was unbearably cold. I had a throbbing headache and my throat hurt. I barely managed to eat the medicine hyung brought. "Sleep some more. Let's talk later." I nodded. Then I spoke. "Can I become an adult like you, hyung?" Namjoon hyung looked back.


      I was rummaging around for a t-shirt, but Taehyung reached his hand behind and picked up a shirt. It was a t-shirt with the same printed letters as the one I was wearing at the moment. With an awkward laugh, Taehyung removed his torn t-shirt. In the faint glow of the lights that hung from the trailer ceiling, I caught a momentary glimpse of his bruised back. Hoseok looked at me with a shocked gaze. Taehyung put on my shirt and looked at his reflection in the dirty mirror. Then he laughed.

      "This punk. Turning up late after getting caught by the police for running wild and doing graffiti." I pretended like I was going to hit Taehyung, and he made a fuss of pretending to be sorry. Yoongi hyung, who had been sitting in one corner of the trailer, slowly approached and smacked Taehyung's shoulder.


      I opened my eves again to blazing sunlight. The image of the fire inside the container and Namjoon's dead body remained inside my eyelids. Another failure. I raised my arm to cover my eyes as I thought. What ways to save Namjoon could be left? Slowly, I thought back to the events of September 30. I felt no particular emotion and was neither impatient nor afraid.

      After the accident in the container town I had made countless loops, but I still hadn't been able to understand why I made those loops, or what I had to do in order to fix things. No-even more than that, I hadn't yet been able to figure out what exactly the 'map of the soul' was, the clue that was supposed to end all of this. The map of the soul. The first time I heard those words had been after I had already repeated several failures. "Find the map of the soul. It will be able to end all of this.”

      "The map of the soul? What on earth is that?” I pressed, but there was no response.

      Instead, these words remained, "hints come at a cost.”

      I spotted Namjoon's gas station some distance away. I turned on my blinker and changed lanes. I could only think of one thing stopping the accident on September 30 and ending the loop. I was only moving toward that goal. Even if there was a problem with that process. Or if someone was hurt or alienated, I couldn't do anything about it. If I let myself linger on or be overwhelmed by those things. I would never achieve my goal. Even more important than saving everyone was that I myself was able to survive and escape. That was the lesson that the endlessly repeating loop had taught me.


      I took Taehyung and faced the police officer. "You've worked hard." Although my head was bowed and I spoke firmly, that wasn't my mood. It wasn't far from the police station to Taehyung's house. If he lived in some far-off place, would he not have been in and out of the police station this often? Why had Taehyung's parents chosen a place so close to the police station? The world was so unfair to such a foolishly kind and tender kid. I slung my arm over Taehyung's shoulders and asked if he was hungry, acting like it was no big deal. Taehyung shook his head. I asked if the police were so glad to see him they bought him food, but he didn't reply.

      We walked in the sunlight. In my heart, a cold wind blew. If I feel this way, how does he feel? How torn and broken was his heart? Did he have a heart left at all? How much torment must be inside? Thinking all these thoughts, I couldn't look at him, so instead I looked at the sky. In the blurry sunlight a plane was passing by. The first time I had seen the wounds on Taehyung's back was the first time I met him in Namjoon's container hideout. I didn't say anything to Taehyung, who was laughing brightly for having gotten a t-shirt, but a place in my heart had collapsed with a thud.

      I had no parents. I had no memories of a father, and my memories of my mother only lasted until I was 7 years old. When it came to pain regarding families, no one would be envious of mine. People said things like this. That you have to overcome your pain, accept it and grow used to it. That you have to reconcile and forgive. That only when you do that, you can live. It wasn't that I couldn't because I didn't know. It wasn't a refusal because I didn't want to. Nothing is achieved just because you try. No one told me how. The world gave me new wounds before the old ones had healed. I knew there was no one in the world who didn't have wounds. But why did anyone need such deep ones? Why were they necessary? Why did things like this happen?

      "It's okay, hyung. I can go alone." Taehyung said at the fork in the road. "I know, jerk," I paid it no mind and took the lead. "I said I'm fine. Look, it's nothing." Taehyung tried to smile. I didn't answer. There was no way he was okay. He wasn't okay but he couldn't stand acknowledging it. He was turning away. That was his habit. Taehyung flipped up his hood and followed. "You're really not hungry?" I asked as we approached the path leading to Taehyung's house. Taehyung smiled his foolish smile and nodded. I watched his retreating back, then turned away. The path he walked and the path I walked were both narrow and desolate. We were both alone. I suddenly turned to look behind me when my phone rang.


      "What are you doing. Not killing anyone?!”

      I dragged myself back to the present at someone's urgent shout. Onscreen, a shooting game was going on. Someone yelled in my headset that the enemy had appeared. I immediately grabbed the mouse. I shot like crazy. The opponents I shot fell like dolls without stuffing. I moved the mouse and looked around the map. There was a railway track right through the center of the map, and to either side of the track there were large metal containers stacked all around. It looked just like the container town at Songju Station.

      I changed my weapon. It was a machine gun that could shoot continuously. In the distance, an enemy wearing a black bandana appeared. I aimed my gun, but for a second he looked like someone I knew. The enemy was knocked out in a single blow. I didn't think twice about shooting every single one who appeared. Unconsciously, I started thinking of the hyungs. I laughed. Come to think of it. They were a little similar. I took out each one and advanced. I shot every enemy that came from the containers. For a moment, I looked down at one of them on the ground. I thought to myself, is that Namjoon hyung, and in that moment someone's bullet hit my shoulder. I used the mouse to look up and saw an enemy holding a gun. It was Seokjin hyung. All at once, my rage boiled over.


      Hoseok hyung's house was in a very high area. A rooftop room of a deadlocked house at the end of a narrow, winding alley, some distance walking from a larger street--that was hyung's house. When I went into the house, which was only one room, hyung bragged that it was the top floor in the whole city, from which could be seen all of the places where we had grown up, laid out under our feet. As hyung said, all sorts of things were visible from his rooftop room. The nearby train station could be seen, and along the train tracks, the containers were also visible. Namjoon hyung was living in one of those. And if I moved my gaze a little more, the school we had all attended came into view.

      After finding the school, I lifted my head and looked at the other side of the city. At the foot of the mountain, there was a line of large apartment buildings. There was my--no, my parents' house. I had run away from the hospital without a word. My parents would have been contacted. Maybe they were looking for me now. I didn't yet have the confidence to see my parents face to face. I had left the hospital but I couldn't yet go home. That didn't mean I wanted to go back to the hospital. But I had nowhere to go and no money. I had stood hesitantly, and hyung had told me to follow him, then led the way. The place we had arrived was here, hyung's house.

      I returned my gaze to the apartment buildings. I had to go there eventually. I had to see my parents and tell them I wouldn't go back to the hospital. I took a deep breath. It seemed like that thought alone would cause a seizure. Truthfully, I didn't trust myself to endure any place other than the hospital. I could be rushed to the hospital again. I was so afraid I couldn't stand it.


      The Notes 1: 花樣年華 [The Most Beautiful Moment in Life]


        Namjoon finds a flier that says there will be redevelopment stuck to the door of his container. He throws it in trash because he doesn't believe it will happen. He’s been coming back to the container every night instead of staying in the small room at the gas station, since they visited Jungkook. He wonders if it was the time for them to part ways. But he still keeps the light just so the other boys know that they can still come to their "hideout."


        Hoseok suggests that the boys watch the fireworks together. They all agree. Namjoon says he’d arrive after his shift and Seokjin agrees to come to the fireworks after his appointment. Taehyung is reminded of his dream in which he saw a woman getting killed in an accident while Seokjin watches her. Taehyung’s dream ended with the fireworks, but he dismisses the thought. Taehyung thinks how he always went to Namjoon’s container when he couldn’t sleep or when he was having problems with his dad and he notices how the container is always lit. But he doesn’t go in because he doesn’t know what to say, but he realizes it’s a signal for them to come when they want. He decides to go to the container for the fireworks.

      • YOONGI YEAR 22 AUGUST 30:

        Yoongi gets off a bus and walks along the railroad tracks to reach Namjoon’s container. He says he saw Taehyung while he was on the bus. He assumes the others are coming. He says he completed the piece of music he showed to Hoseok after making a few changes and named it “Hope.” He thinks that the title doesn’t match the contents, as it contains his fear, cowardice, and inferiority. It contains all the moments he tried to avoid yet he says he can’t think of any other word that would encompass it all. Then he notices someone in front of the container who he guesses might be Jimin. Someone calls his name from behind so he turns to look.


        Jungkook arrives at the container early, and decides to sit on the platform across the railroad instead of going in. He has mixed feelings about meeting everyone and he is constantly reminded of the day he met with an accident. He crosses the railroad after he sees Jimin, Yoongi and Hoseok arriving. Then, the first set of fireworks burst into the night sky.

      • TAEHYUNG YEAR 20 APRIL 11:

        Taehyung wakes up at home and immediately notices his dad’s smell. He steps out his house and takes a walk by the police station, alley, pedestrian overpass, the railroad tracks and reaches Namjoon’s container. He puts his hand on the doorknob but considers that Namjoon must be asleep and that the dream he had was just a nightmare. He looks around the neighborhood and notices how poor it is. In his nightmare the area around Namjoon’s container was on fire. He heard screams and someone crying in his dream. The door of Namjoon’s container had fallen off, and Taehyung saw bloodstains and flames inside. He saw Namjoon lying on the floor, and someone said that he was dead. His palm hurts.

      • TAEHYUNG YEAR 22 JULY 24:

        The inside of the container was completely decorated and food was set on the table when Jimin arrived at the party. Only 3 of the 7 cups were filled though because Hoseok had left for his job after setting the table, Namjoon was working late, Jin had promised to come but had not shown up and nobody knew how to contact Yoongi. Jimin thinks this is how it has become after the beach visit- everyone was too busy in handling the stressors of their own life, they no longer had the time to be together like in school. After a while Jungkook gets up and takes a rain-check. They all decide to leave. In the distance, Jimin sees Taehyung and Jungkook walking away with their flashlights on.

      • TAEHYUNG YEAR 22 JULY 10:

        Taehyung is on the run from the police. He had lived in this neighbourhood for 20 years so he knew every nook and cranny, but each corner instead threw him into the memories of the past. The police were after him for the graffiti at the bus stop. He had done graffiti there after a long time, in company of the girl he had caught thieving at his convenience store. Taehyung felt like he could understand her sense of loneliness, and they hung out together often, eventually doing graffiti together. The bus stop had been one where Namjoon got off, and where the police were also likely to catch him.

        The last time he had seen Namjoon was at the hospital, and he came close to seeing him one day while seeking shelter from his Dad’s violence , but sat outside the lit container instead.

        In the present moment, Taehyung hides in an alley but knows it is of no use. He comes out and surrenders with his hands raised.

      • NAMJOON YEAR 22 JUNE 13:

        Namjoon visits Jungkook in the middle of night. They talk and laugh a lot, avoiding matters of consequence such as why the fight broke out that day, or why Namjoon had left the lodge that night without saying anything. On his way back, Seokjin asks him if he is okay because he had not said one word. Namjoon apologizes and makes his way to the fourth container down the railroad. The last time he had been there was before the beach visit , and they had made a campfire then. Since the fight, Namjoon was sure that Taehyung must have dropped by here to seek refuge from his father, but he still avoided coming here. He felt it was emotionally exhausting to be with Taehyung as of now.

        Namjoon looks around the container that is full of memories with others. He thinks of how he is not okay, how what happened to Jungkook was not okay. He wonders if they had not fought, and had someone stayed with Jungkook that night would Jungkook have been saved. But he had still pretended to be okay and chatted with Jungkook, asking him to recover well. He feels he is still the same, always hesitant in front of making important choices and asking questions.

      • SEOKJIN YEAR 22 MAY 2:

        Jin is waiting outside Yoongi’s workroom. He tenses up and tries to take courage from the fact he has seen this many times before. Jin reveals how Yoongi has been the most difficult for him to save. He had too many variables- the time and place of his suicide kept changing and his conflict seemed to be internal as well-as compared to Namjoon’s . In one of the loops he had followed him for days and saw him hesitating to take his life when he had to take care of an injured bird- the bird with wings.

        In this anecdote, the bird with wings becomes a symbol for Jungkook who, like the bird is broken . Jin recalls how he had seen Jungkook and Yoongi bond at the beach visit , and comes to a realization that he had to depend on Jungkook to help Yoongi. Jin deliberately makes Hoseok leave early from his shift, and locked Namjoon’s container so that Jungkook had no other option but to go to Yoongi’s workroom. Jin waits outside, but all he hears is a shattering and Yoongi storming outside, making his way to the motel. Worried, Jin leaves a bloodied tissue near the motel’s entrance as a clue for Jungkook. Earlier in the day he had also left a photo of the beach visit on Yoongi’s mirror. Seokjin thinks that perhaps , because of the photo, Jungkook got motivated to save Yoongi. Jungkook reaches the motel as Jin hopes desperately that they are saved.

      • SEOKJIN YEAR 22 APRIL 11:

        Jin observes the others walking on the railroad. He wishes to meet them and wonders how they are now. He thinks the time is not yet ripe for meeting them and turns his car around.